The Joyful Parent

HomeschoolBlogger.com Community

2005-07-13T08:25:00.000-04:00

I urge everyone who is even possibly interested in homeschooling to check out a new blogging site for homeschoolers. There is a wealth of information to be found there, mainly from a Christian perspective.

My blog there is at www.HomeschoolBlogger.com/victoriacarrington. Come by soon and say hello!

I am a Soccer Mom!

2005-06-24T21:47:00.000-04:00

Well, sort of. Chase just finished his very first, week-long soccer camp. What fun it was to watch him and the other 3- to 5-year old kids attempting to master the sport of soccer. From figuring out which way they were to run with the ball to remembering not to pick the ball up, watching how they did not play by the rules was as fun as watching a more formal soccer game.

Chase has had a ball making new friends and they usually play together at the playground after the camp. He gets pretty wiped out from soccer and sleeps well at night as a result. Alyssa was pretty agreeable and pleasant and not hardly fussy while waiting for her brother to finish playing. I bought a small ball with us that she plays with on the grass then she eats a snack and before you know it, it is time for us to leave.

I have enjoyed chatting with the other moms. Overall, it has been a fun week with terrific weather to top it all off.

Soccer moms of the world look out- here I come!

Wait a minute, there is a problem. We do not own a minivan. Oh well. I guess my soccer mom status is on hold for now.

Church Picninc Photos

2005-06-08T15:57:00.000-04:00

Check out these pictures of summer fun at my homeschool mom blog.

Can you tell how much I love summer?

More Summer Fun

2005-06-03T05:18:00.000-04:00

I just love to watch the kids having such a ball, especially Chase. We have had a fun time the past few weeks with lots of great kid activities for Chase. He has been so excited just to have the chance to play outside in the sunshine! The winters seem so long around here. Even if it is cool in the morning, he insists on wearing shorts and a short-sleeved shirt because "It's summertime Mommy!"

Our church, New Song Church, had its church picnic on Memorial Day and we all had a great time. Sam's parents and one of my sisters joined us. I had a chance to catch up with some homeschool moms that I had not talked to and they were full of encouragement and good advice. Sam took a lot of terrific pictures and had fun chatting about digital photography with some of the guys. Chase ran so much and played so hard that it was difficult getting him to eat or go to the bathroom.

Alyssa was the little darling of the picnic and the little girls delighted in picking her up and hugging her and she of course enjoyed her favorite past time. She loves to get dirty playing in dirt or sand only to come to me and ask me to wipe her hands off. Such a funny girl!

These kids personalities are just blossoming daily and I love to see them unfold.

We Went to the Fair!

2005-05-21T21:52:00.000-04:00

We call it the Orange Jubilee and we had a great time. I love to watch my little ones laughing, playing and enjoying life. Of course, they ate too much junk food and Alyssa got pretty tired out and over-excited but a good time was had by all. I ran into some old friends and was blessed by someone I did not know who gave us some free tickets for the rides.

It was a perfect sun-kissed day here in Northeast Ohio and I am glad to be alive. I thank God for my wonderful family and the wonderful blessings he has bestowed upon us.

Journey to Motherhood Part 4

2005-05-20T13:10:00.000-04:00

My struggles to obey God in the matters of my vocation in life reminded me of the Biblical story of Sarah, Abraham's wife, and her efforts to produce an heir for her husband. God had promised to fulfill that desire of her heart. But could she just patiently wait for him to do so? Could she wait for God, he who had promised to be faithful? No. She had to take matters into her own hands and and have Abraham impregnate her maid instead. Her actions led to birth of Ishmael but Ishmael was not the heir that God intended. Sarah ended up with less than God's perfect plan for her life because she acted outside of God's timing. I was in danger of creating my own Ishmael as I waited for God to create a family for me.

I just praise God that before I stepped out and married the wrong man or even worse decided to have children out-of-wedlock, God stopped me long enough for me to put him in charge.

Approximately 1 month after my submission to God's will, I met my husband-to-be. Within one year we were married and within 2 years we had given birth to our first child, a son. I felt fulfilled beyond anything I could have imagined. I only get a slight twinge of regret when I think of how long I spent searching for something that was so easy to find with God's help. If only I had long ago let the Lord be my light and his word a lamp to my feet. Of course, I know that all things come together for good for those who love the Lord, even those things that the enemy may have meant for harm.

My regret never lasts long. Instead, I dedicate part of my life to sharing my story with younger women, many of whom have deep, hidden desires to "just" be a wife and mother but they feel too ashamed and confused to admit it. I validate their feelings and encourage them to seek the Lord as they plan their futures. I am thrilled when I see young women walking confidently into God's purposes for their lives.

Journey to Motherhood Part 3

2005-05-20T13:07:00.000-04:00

This post continued from Journey to Motherhood Part 2 here. Read Journey to Motherhood Part 1 here.

I knew it was God's will for me to start a family. The very important missing piece, however, was a husband. I prayed and prayed for God to send me the "perfect husband". Nothing happened. I prayed some more for God to send me the man of my dreams, my knight in shining armor. Still no results. (well, no one appropriate anyway).

I became more assertive. I let everyone know that I was looking. I went on blind dates. I even tried the personals! With every date, I felt I was moving further and further away from finding a suitable marriage partner.

God seemed silent. "How could you set me up like this!" I cried out to God. He had flamed my fires of desire for starting a family and was encouraging me to become a wife and mother. How could he refuse to send me a husband? Disappointed and dejected, I finally did exactly what God had been waiting for me to do: I gave up and gave it to all to him. I fully surrendered all of my dreams of my idea of a perfect husband to him. I really completely gave up. I prayed "God, I have no idea what to do or where to go. Do what you will with me and my relationships. My worldly efforts have failed. You take over now."

God spoke into my heart that I had it all wrong. I had been focused on finding the husband who met all of my needs. I had completely ignored the fact that I was to provide something to my future husband as well. I had not even considered taking the time to be sure I was the woman that would make a ma a good wife. I was only focused on finding a good husband to supply my needs. God wanted to send me a husband and children not just for my happiness but for my spiritual growth in Christ.

My prayers changed. I prayed "Forget all the requirements I was looking for in a husband. I trust you Lord. You choose him and I will follow. Just give me the wisdom to recognize him when he comes and make me a good wife and mother. Send me a family that will challenge me to grow."

Journey to Motherhood- Part 2

2005-05-16T10:41:00.000-04:00

I had a hard time accepting what God was trying to tell me. His message for me to embrace distinctly feminine roles was in direct opposition to the values that I held in my heart. I took feminist women's studies courses in college. I knew that it was taboo for a woman to think of her role as wife and mother as being important. In fact, most of my training was an attempt to ensure that I would not be "stuck" in such menial roles. I was taught that a woman had to know herself, live for herself only and reject all societal and religious notions of what a woman should resemble.

"But wait a minute here", I found myself saying. I had done all the right things and I still did not feel so great. Single, with no decent prospects and working up to 100 hours per week completing my medical training, I felt frustrated with my life. Professionally, I was accomplishing so much. That was supposed to be my fulfillment. Why was I still so miserable? Could it be possible that God was right, I stupidly wondered. Did I really need to become a wife and mother in order to be fulfilled?

I began to pray as I had not done regularly for some time. I prayed for God to show me what roles he wanted me to fulfill. I prayed that I would reduce so that he could become more in me. I prayed that I might submit myself to his will so that I might be led to the perfect place where he wanted me to bloom. Was I to remain single and childless or perhaps adopt? Was I to pursue a religious vocation such as becoming a nun? (Yes, I was serious about that- if it was in his will). After an intense period of silence, I began to feel a sense of peace. I still did not have an answer, but I did have a sense of peace. Once I relaxed and stopped trying to figure everything out, I felt that I had received my answer.

I was indeed being called to the roles of mother and wife. Okay, God, I hear you now and I accept what you are saying. There was only one thing still missing- a husband! Now how is God going to make this miracle happen, I wondered.

Mommy Wars

2005-05-16T10:40:00.000-04:00

Sometimes, I wonder if the emphasis on Mommy Wars is overplayed by the media. I have met some stay-at-home moms that can not stand working moms and vice versa but that seems to be the exception.

I know many more stay-at-home moms that are willing to help a working mom with babysitting in a pinch and working moms who applaud the decision of moms who stay home.

What have your experiences been?

Journey to Motherhood- Part 1

2005-05-14T10:42:00.000-04:00

I have had in on my heart to write about my experiences of becoming a wife and mother and how those experiences altered my relationship with God and were affected by my relationship with God. After writing out an extended updated version a few days ago, I felt unsure about posting it for 2 reasons: 1.I thought it was too long and 2.I was not sure that anyone would really want to read it. After all it is my very personal story, probably not very controversial or exciting.

But, I have felt the urging to post it. I have ignored it until today. Kim over at AHA commented that she liked my blog but she wished I would say more about my personal homeschool. I have been feeling more like sharing more of that as well but I feel my current life might be better presented against the backdrop of my former life.

So, here goes...

I found out the other day that a young person I know, a college graduate in her early twenties, was pregnant. She was somewhat hesitant to tell me as she was not planning this pregnancy because she does not feel ready for a baby. I started to remember how I was when I was in my twenties. I was so much like many of the young women I meet today. I was scared of the restrictions and losses that would accompany motherhood. I put it off. "I've got more important things to do right now-school, career, making money. Starting a family can wait." I reasoned. I did not consider any other way.

Yet at the same time, I spent my adult years searching. I was searching for peace, fulfillment, purpose and happiness. This quest occupied much of my time outside of my training and career. Underwhelmed by my church experiences after high school, I had become a sidelined Catholic, a fairly common occurrence. So to the New Age bookstores I fled, chasing after the latest, greatest fad that would fill me with what was missing.

You know what was missing? It was not Yoga or Gregorian chants. It was not creative visualization or Native American drumming. It was not wind chimes or deep breathing. The answer came as a shock to me. No, what was missing was the very thing I had learned was taboo for a modern woman to admit longing for- a commitment to serve those outside of myself by fulfilling the womanly roles of wife and mother that God designed me to excel in achieving.

What? Find fulfillment in service? Become happy by becoming a wife and mother? I was incredulous! I began finding my way back to the God of my childhood in my quest for clarity on this issue and the Truth I had been seeking. My Father in Heaven, who had never left me said "Yes my child. It is true what you have discovered. Now you know your true destiny."

Read more in my next post next time.

My New Blog

2005-05-10T00:44:00.000-04:00

I have started a new blog at www.HomeschoolMomTips.blogspot.com My posts over there discuss issues in parenting and education with a focus on Christian homeschooling and other topics that may of be of interest to Christian families.

My husband and I have also launched a shop filled with homeschool apparel and accessories at The Homeschool Mom Store.

Soon, we will be launching a Christian products online store as well.

Meanwhile, Alyssa continues to teethe and Chase continues to want to stay up late.

Come by and check out my other site for news on daycares, kids and the Internet and abstinence education among other topics.

For you freelance writer mamas, I also have links to a market looking for writers (AssociatedContent.com) and a book review blog looking for reviewers.

I have "met" some great moms through my Homeschool Mom Tips blog so even if you are not homeschooling, come on by and visit.

I will still be updating Joyful Parent but not as often as I used to while we are getting our stores up and running.

It is good to be back.

Little Green Peas

2005-04-25T10:41:00.000-04:00

Little green peas brightly contrast the beige carpet. Shiny credit cards peek out among the socks in the drawer. A carton of sour cream hides among the fruits and vegetables in the refrigerator vegetable crisper. Life seems to be a juxtaposition of unlikely objects in my role as mother of an adventurous, curious toddler. The daily life of a toddler is a series of the struggles highlighting opposing pairings. From sucking their thumbs and wanting to be held like a little baby to demanding to dress themselves, toddler behavior is a study of opposites. The mother’s life too reflects the often uneasy pairing of the polished professional woman with the sometimes frazzled, uncertain or exasperated mother of a young child. There is I believe a lesson to be learned in these contrasts. Life is enriched by the unexpected, popping up in refreshing ways, keeping us alert and reminding us not to sit too comfortably in one place for too long. A spatula hiding under the bed? Well, why not?

Hallelujah!

2005-04-19T01:06:00.000-04:00

I am beginning my career as a freelance writer in earnest now. After going through a bit of a dry spell, God has been blessing my efforts lately. Although a book proposal was turned down by Zondervan, I had an article accepted by Christian Parenting Today and received payment for an article that I wrote for Westchester Parent. God is good.

And if all that was not good enough, I found a pretty cool set-up at Associated Content in which they will pay freelancers to write articles to be featured on various websites.

They just accepted 5 of my articles, Praise God. I could use some cash in my PayPal account about right now.

All you homeschool moms (and dads) who are freelance writers (real or aspiring) should check them out.

And if you mention that I sent you and you actually start writing for them, I could get $20.

Hope this is helpful.

Another Beautiful Day

2005-04-18T23:03:00.000-04:00

Sunny and warm. These are two words we have not heard together in a while up here in Ohio. It is so nice to sit in the sun again. I love running around the backyard with Chase and watching Alyssa enjoy the birds.

Speaking of Alyssa, unfortunately, she has a superior memory for the traumatic. I was preheating the oven and the fumes from the oven cleaner must have set off the smoke detector because it started screeching "FIRE, FIRE" and beeping very loudly (as I hope it will do in a real fire).

Alyssa was so frightened by this that she did not want to come into the dining room where the noisy contraption had been (my husband temporarily took it down so I could finish cooking).

Otherwise, Alyssa's memory seems pretty poor. I must say several times each day "Did not Mommy tell you we don't put small pieces of tissue in our ears, we don't put our fingers in our nose or we don't pinch people." For some reason, she can not seem to remember any of these basic instructions.

Oh well. For the next little while, I will just take down the detector while I am baking until the fumes burn off. My poor baby.

Like Mother, Like Daughter

2005-04-16T17:10:00.000-04:00

A future freelance writer.

Praying for Guidance

2005-04-16T15:58:00.000-04:00

I find that it is easy for me to start worrying and forget to pray. As a mom, I have so much to worry about. Yet, I also have so much to enjoy. I just want to stay balanced and keep all issues in their proper perspective. I am now deciding what curriculum to use in Chase's homeschooling next year. I know that I would like to try an online curriculum but there are a few to choose from. Of course, as my husband and others have said, I can certainly change if I try one and it is not a good fit for me or Chase. So why am I acting like this is such a life or death decision? The bottom line is, I can only make the best decision for right now based on the information that I have and the guidance of the Holy Spirit. I have noticed though that when I forget to pray, it is much more difficult to discern what the Holy Spirit is trying to tell me.

So why don't I just make my life easier and "pray without ceasing"?

I do not know but I am working on it.

The Good With the Not-as-Good

2005-04-11T18:51:00.000-04:00

The runny nose, the constipation, the late night awakenings and the picky eating are all a part of my life as mom.

Today is a day of fatigue so it is easy to focus on the negative. But it is also sunny (although a little chilly) and life is so full of rich rewards.

Chase is in a play, play, play mode as I think we all have been since the time changed and it stays lighter into the late evening (hence part of my fatigue). We have not done much structured homeschooling the past few days but I am starting to appreciate the beauty of unschooling. Even in his play mode, Chase has asked me to spell out words for him to write on the board and he stops me in the middle of my work frequently to ask me to listen while he counts to 100 or to ask me "How does God make...."

A master storyteller, Chase makes up fantastic stories about Bibleman (and his toddler sidekick Biblegirl) and recounts stories of Jesus healing the multitudes.

Life is good because God is good and He is good all the time!

I Am a Real Mom

2005-04-09T13:38:00.000-04:00

A little essay that I wrote:

Are You a Real Mom?
By Victoria Carrington, M.D.

Forget stay-at-home mom vs. working outside the home mom. I have created a completely biased test of who rules the moms and who the real moms are. Are you ready? Let the mud-slinging begin.

Real moms:
• Are never dressed, showered and made up before 9 am.
• Never eat a hot meal. By the time they get everyone else fed, the food is cold.
• Never use the bathroom without an audience, no matter the time of month. Her feminine products are found around the house being used to create interesting construction projects.
• Never wear clothing that is not decorated with some sign of motherhood. Spit-up, baby food, leaking breast milk or modeling clay are all possibilities.
• Pretend that they are deaf when they hear “she pinched me” or “he frowned at me”. Unless there are blood-curdling screams or actual blood, the real mom knows not to get involved.
• Forget how to make macaroni cheese on the stove or in the conventional oven. They only use the microwave packets.
• Have kids who believe that homemade cookies are always found in the refrigerator section of the grocery store.
• Never dust. Real moms know that the best way to keep furniture dust-free is to let the kids climb on it
• Never wax the kitchen floor. Real moms know the only wax that belongs on a floor is from that of a stepped-on crayon.
• Visit the bakery section of the grocery store to bribe her crew with cookies before the shopping begins. She is careful to get enough sweet stuff such that their mouths are full for the entire trip.
• Never have an uninterrupted phone conversation
• Never have an uninterrupted conversation period unless they are far, far away from their children.
• Never have conversations without saying the word “potty” or other words associated with private, sometimes embarrassing bodily functions.
• Have learned not to be embarrassed by bodily functions.
• Know that no matter what happens, these crazy days will all be a memory one day and she will end up longing for these days to return.
• Try not to take things too seriously because things could be a lot worse.

They Love Each Other So Much

2005-04-08T14:14:00.000-04:00

I did not know how wonderful having two would be. Honestly, I did not know that I would like having two children. I loved Chase so much that it was hard for me to imagine loving another child as much.

But something wonderful happened after Alyssa was born. Not only did I not love Chase any less but I seemed to love him even more! Of course, I also loved my new little one as well. Furthermore, my love has expanded to include this new unit, the two of them, as one.

It is hard to explain the feelings that well up inside of me when I watch them play, laugh or share together. It is a contented, peaceful feeling filled with hope for the future.

Of course they fight sometimes. But underlying every scuffle is a heartfelt love that is wonderful to watch.

Up Again!

2005-04-07T20:58:00.000-04:00

Alyssa had a hard time sleeping again. Turns out, she is fighting a runny nose which always bothers her. That on top of the teething is just too much for her to sleep comfortably with. Daddy got up with her last night again, giving me a chance to get some much needed sleep.

Why do I still feel tired?

Mommy Confessions-Again

2005-04-06T09:50:00.000-04:00

Have you ever been having so much fun playing together as a family that you lost track of time and stayed up way too late? Or worse yet, did you ever realize that it was getting late and still let everyone stay up and have fun?

A combination of the two factors happened yesterday in our home. After a freak snowstorm over the weekend, we were so excited yesterday for the temperatures in the seventies. I really did not complain too much about the snow because Chase and I took advantage of the late snowfall to make one last snowman. I am glad that we enjoyed the snow because the balmy summertime temperatures arrived yesterday.

Chase and Alyssa were so cute together, holding hands chasing birds in the backyard. Then Alyssa was pushing her lawnmower and Chase his vintage GI Joe sandloader (Dad's old toy)as I sat reflecting on what a blessed life I lead. It is not perfect but I have so much to be grateful for everyday.

May I never forget that. Maybe I can get everyone to take a nap today.

Little Miss Clean Hands

2005-04-06T09:35:00.000-04:00

Have you ever seen a little girl who likes to play in mud but hates mud on her hands? And what about a little girl who likes to play in the sand but does not like to get her hands sandy?

Well, that's my little girl! Finally it was nice outside (after Saturday's snowstorm) so we all spent much time outdoors yesterday. Alyssa seemed to like the mud at first but then she started fussing and wanting me to wipe her hands after each swipe in the mud.

Then, it was to the sandbox to play with brother. I had been dreading the time that she would want to join her brother in the sandbox. After all, a 1-year old does not understand that sand is not for eating, blowing or throwing. What's a mother to do? She was adamant and after all sand play is a good tactile activity for her. The main problem turned out to be her hands again.

She enjoyed running her hands through the sand but constantly wanted me to wipe the sand off her hands. Let me tell you it is not easy to keep sand off a child's hand when she is playing in a sandbox!

Overall, we had fun and stayed outside way too late (see next post). We even found one last little patch of snow and my husband made what he optimistically called the "last snowball of the season."

I am so happy that spring has graced us with her presence.

Thanks and praise to God for the changing of the seasons!

Mommy Confessions #3

2005-04-05T14:19:00.000-04:00

Okay, maybe I should get the Terrible Mother of the Year Award but Alyssa and her "I'm going to cut 8 teeth at one time" routine is getting old. I know that I should only feel sorry for her (and God knows, I do feel for her!)and not for myself. But I also feel for me and my lack of sleep and that makes me feel bad.

I should be the selfless mother, devoted to my poor child's comfort but finally at 3am after more than 1 hour of being awake, I had to hand off the child to her Daddy.

I do feel better now. The crew even let me sleep in until a little before 9am. Nice.

I feel up to the challenge of tonight now. Let's see what happens.

The Happy Child

2005-04-03T22:09:00.000-04:00

Don't you love watching your child's eyes light up with unbridled laughter as they play? Chase got his Dad's old electric train set from Grandma and Grandpa today and boy was he excited. So much enjoyment was had by our whole family as we watched the Lionel train go around and around, puffing out steam and making realistic noises. The track even sparks (is it supposed to do that or is there a short in it?) and the trailer car carried Chase's Matchbox cars.

And Alyssa? Well, she was content to watch from afar. Surprising. I thought she might grab at it.

Ahh, the treasures to be found in Grandma and Grandpa's attic.

Mommy Confessions #2: Dessert is a Right?

2005-03-31T06:35:00.000-05:00

I can see it now. Minions of tiny people, looking much more mature than their preschool age would suggest, marching in the streets. The calm and quiet of the of the idyllic suburban residential area is punctuated with cries of "WE WANT DESSERT! WE WANT DESERT!" Carrying placards with their demands scribbled in crayons, fists in the air, these kids know what they want. And what they want is dessert, not just tonight but every night. They want it unconditionally, not tied to any previous behavior. The leader of this crusade is my son, the champion of the dessert loving crew. I am reminded of the song "You gotta fight for the right to paaarty!"

Yes it is true. I have made my son accustomed to a before bed sweet treat and threats of withholding it often becomes a weapon in the fight to get Chase in bed on time.

I grew up loving dessert. It was my favorite meal of the day! (I did not eat much as I was a picky eater). But dessert, no problem. I could always find room in my stomach for dessert. I remember that many nights my mother would give us an extra treat after dessert, a Necco wafer candy. Anybody else remember the the sweet, pastel-colored discs that melted in your mouth?

The other night, caught up in the bedtime routine, I forgot to get Chase dessert. I have learned that even if he forgets, I better remind him or else he will use forgotten dessert as a reason (as if he needs more) to leave the bed after I have tucked him in.

Well, I forgot. I tucked Chase in and went to put to put little Missy asleep in her room. All of a sudden, I heard such a wailing from Chase's room! Had he fallen out of the bed that fast? Worse yet, was someone trying to abduct him? (it is hard for me to get those horrible news stories out of my head) So I went running in there to find Chase sitting up in his bed. Thank God he is OK, I thought. "What on earth is the matter?" Did he hurt somewhere, was he afraid of something I started to wonder. "My dessert! You forgot my dessert!"

This kid can not be serious! He is really this upset because of dessert?

Help! I've created a monster!

Mommy Confessions #1

2005-03-30T10:49:00.000-05:00

I figure I better put numbers on this title because I have a lot of confessing to do! Hopefully, I will not lose track of my numbering system and hopefully the numbers will stop somewhere before infinity.

My 16-month old loves chocolate. No, she adores chocolate. No, she's addicted to chocolate! Well, it's not my fault. (Can you tell I am a little defensive on this issue?) She has been like this since before she was born.

Let me explain. I have never been much of a chocolate fiend. An occasional hot fudge sundae or brownie or a warm cup of hot cocoa was about the extent of my chocolate adventures. My husband always knew better than to buy me a box of chocolates for Valentine's Day!

But here comes little Missy in pregnancy number 2. I was craving chocolate edibles all the time, morning, noon and night. Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Brownie Fudge became my constant companion. The only reason that I did not eat chocolate for breakfast was because of my son who would wonder if his Mommy had lost her mind.

After giving birth to the little girl, I continued the cravings for the sweet taste of chocolate until that time that I could feel my pregnancy/newborn hormones dropping and my old self coming back. I will never forget getting myself a couple of scoops of my favorite chocolate brownie concoction and thinking, "This does not taste quite right."

Of course I kept eating and proceeded to have the mother of all stomachaches that lasted late into the night. What was I thinking downing that much chocolate in one sitting? So you see, she was born a chocolate addict! It's not my fault, really it isn't. (I don't want to hear anything about how I protest too much either.)

Fast forward several months. C of course has discovered chocolate by this time and anything he has, his sister wants. We tried to hide chocolate from her as long as we could but the Christmas candy presents just ruined it. I do not need to tell you how much of a struggle we had at Easter!

So I thought "I will just let her have one piece. I will just brush her 8 little teeth afterwards." Bad idea. For an addict, one is never enough. The screaming fit that ensued when I refused to grant little Missy another piece of chocolate was nothing short of fabulous. I was surprised Child Protective did not come and take her away. She has now raised a fit about chocolate every night since Easter and each night I have given her one piece.

Oh well. That's it. The first of my mommy confessions.

Stay tuned for more.

Christian Parents No Different Than Others Study Shows

2005-03-29T12:36:00.000-05:00

It seems that the majority of parents in America, regardless of religious identification, do not place a high priority on the moral or religious upbringing of their children. Is it any wonder our kids are suffering from a variety of maladies including increased violence, increased reliance on prescription medications and increased sexual activity?

Also, it is interesting to note parents desire to "do the best that they can" versus setting definable goals of how one would like one's children to turn out. Can that really be comforting to say "I did the best that I could" if you really did not?

I am taking this study to heart as I re-evaluate my priorities for my children. I will ask God to show me where my priorities may need re-ordering.

Help! I'm Being Followed!

2005-03-28T10:04:00.000-05:00

I hope everyone had a happy Easter. I return to blogging after a brief, yet productive break. I submitted another book proposal and have had lots of fun checking out other mommy bloggers. I will be adding more links as I find other fun, inspiring blogs.

Does anyone else feel they are being followed? Do you feel that you are never alone in your own house? I think that it has been a long winter because I do not remember being so acutely aware of this problem until recently. I can not go anywhere without being followed. From upstairs to down, to the kitchen or to check the mail, if I am not followed, the little ones make such a ruckus as if they fear I will hop a plane to Florida and never return unless they keep a careful eye on me.

And the bathroom. What about the bathroom? The one place where a woman can go for a few moments of solitude, right? Wrong. The shenanigans I have to pull to try to get some privacy in the bathroom are ridiculous. My latest trick is to sneak in to take a shower when everyone is occupied. I literally tiptoe away, quietly close the door and jump right in to the shower. Unfortunately, once I start the water running, the secret is out and my whereabouts are known but at least I had a few moments of privacy.

One problem I have noticed is that A is so small, she could be a private detective with her stealth following of people. Often times, I will try my "wait until she is occupied so I can escape into the kitchen to get something done" routine only to turn around after running water at the sink to fall over a yelping child. She is good at yelling "Ow!" by this time. She has creeped up on me so quietly and was so close that I literally fell over her, often knocking the poor girl over!

Even as I write this, though, I realize that I would not trade my life now for my previous days as a single woman when I wished that I had someone to share my space with. Now I have that and so much more.

Thank you God for sending me your precious gifts in the form of my children. From them I learn so much and for that I am so grateful. They have changed my life in ways that I did not expect and I am so much better for it.

The Tiniest Breath

2005-03-22T12:25:00.000-05:00

I remember right after I bought Alyssa home from the hospital, laying with her in our bed while she slept soundly and peacefully next to me. I woke up some minutes later, scared, wondering if she was still breathing. (Admit it, you other moms have done that too, irrational as it is.) So I put my ear close to her mouth and what I heard was a sweeter sound than any other. Something about listening to her breathe was so soothing, so peaceful it was hard for me to stop. For just a few seconds, my muscles relaxed and I took a deep breath. Even as I realized how tired I was, I somehow felt rejuvenated and warm all over listening to that precious little breath.

Well, I still listen to Alyssa's breathing every now and then after I lay her down to sleep. And it still soothes me, or it had up until last night.

Alyssa's gums decided to grow a whole bunch of teeth at one time and no matter what I try she can not seem to sleep through the night anymore. Last night, as I lay her down for the second time, my body bone-weary, I decided to see if the calming breath would help me again. I did not think that it would- I felt too far gone.

I gingerly laid her down in her bed and instead of quickly sneaking away like I usually do, I ever-so-gently put my ear near her mouth and listened to her regular, rhythmic breathing. I was instantly soothed and I offered up a prayer of gratitude to God along with a repentant heart for having grumbled and complained about getting up with her.

I prayed "Lord, I am so grateful to have this special little girl in my life, your creation that you have trusted into my care. Thank you Lord for giving her breath and thank you for giving me ears to hear and a heart to love her. You are an Almighty God, deserving of all praise and I rejoice in your name forever."

After that, I was on a roll, could not get back to sleep and went to work writing my women's coaching worksheets and prayers. When she woke up again, I went with a grateful (although admittedly tired) heart to put her back to sleep again.

They Need More Time!

2005-03-21T16:41:00.000-05:00

I have been busy working on articles and preparing to formally launch by parent coaching service on the Internet. There have been many glitches and groans as I have proceeded over the past few days. The glitches have been mainly technical (my website is still not up) and the groans have been from Chase- as in "Oh Mommy not again! Your not doing your work on the computer again!" he laments.

I have an internal clock also that alerts me when I have been ignoring the wee ones for long enough and I need to take a break. The problem is, I sometimes go past that point. Pushing it is not good for anybody and the whole household ends up feeling off-center for a while as I attempt to compensate. Compensating is fun as I read a silly poem to Chase or make funny faces at Alyssa.

I realize that balance is the most important characteristic that I can cultivate right now. I pray to God that I will never forget what is most important.

Cooking With Kids- Just for Fun

2005-03-17T21:58:00.000-05:00

I have article ideas about the educational value of cooking with kids rolling around in my brain. Boosting literacy, reinforcing math, tactile immersion and parent-child bonding all seem like reasonable outcomes that I could include in my article. But I realized today that the main reason to let your kids cook (and mess up) with you is because you can really have a great time of it.

So, today was Alyssa's first true cooking experience. We decided to make chocolate chip cookies from scratch. That's right. I am becoming a frugal housewife and I decided to take a break from the refrigerated cookie dough, convinced that I could make them just as well.

Chase has known about my brilliant plan for about a week and he has been begging me mercilessly to make the "scratch" cookies and today, I ran out of excuses. I know that I said cooking with kids is fun but I did not mention that it is a ton more work for mommy and daddy too (since as you remember from a previous post, my husband is the vacuum man).

So, away we went on our cooking adventure. I assembled all the ingredients and all seemed to go well as Chase added the salt, flour and soda to a large mixing bowl. He whisked that around a bit as I was melting butter in the microwave while holding Alyssa as she became more and more curious about what was happening.

I sat down with Alyssa on my lap as Chase started cracking the eggs. Chase has been helping me cook and cracking eggs since he was about 2 so he is pretty good at it usually. (Salmonella, I know. I have him wash his hands afterwards).Today, though, half of the eggshell ended up in the bowl and he did not see it for some reason. As I leaned over to help him out Alyssa started stirring up the flour mixture with her hands. Eggshell was removed from bowl but I had not noticed that Alyssa was eating the flour mixture. I decide to let her use the whisk instead of her hand for fooling around with the flour mixture. What a mistake! Flour started flying everywhere and each time I tried to grab the wire whisk away from her, she would fling it again, wasting my precious flour mixture!

Well, finally, there was enough flour coating the kitchen table that she started to have fun with that and she calmed down. I looked up at Chase only to see him putting a fistful-and I do mean an entire fistful!- of brown sugar in his mouth. "What on earth are you doing? Don't you know that eating so much sugar like that will make you sick?" "Okay then, can I open up the bag of chocolate chips and eat those instead or will those make me sick too?"

I could not quite focus my brain to figure out the answer to Chase's question as my mind was starting to go and I had to try to remember where I was in the recipe and what I still needed to add.

"Okay, 1 teaspoon of vanilla and then the chips."

I barely got the bag of chips open before my two chocoholics were clamoring for the bag and chips were flying all over the table. Before I could say "choking hazard" Alyssa already had 2 of the dark brown morsels in her chubby cheeks and Chase again had a fistful of sweet stuff he was shoving into his mouth.

"Alright, mister, that's it for you. Just get away from this table now." So much for my sternness as Chase went to the sink with the bowl that had the discarded eggshells in it, added some of the mounds of flour that were still on the table and then ran some water from the faucet to the mixture and called it his recipe.

By this time, I could not even pay attention to Chase anymore. I just needed to end this "fun" and get the cookies into the oven. Once the cookies were in and I took a deep breath, I realized how cute Alyssa looked holding the whisk with flour all over her entire face and body.

Sam came and took some adorable pictures.

I do love being a mom.

What Were You Thinking?

2005-03-17T21:40:00.000-05:00

It seems that several times each day I find myself wondering (often very loudly and in an irritated tone of voice) what on earth these kids are thinking when they perform some of their antics. I am reasonably sure that they really are not just trying to drive me crazy (are they?) and I believe they are of at least average intelligence but sometimes the things that they do just shock me.

Take Alyssa today. I was busy taking care of my business in the bathroom (yes, you know that I get no privacy) and she had found an old key on a keychain. Keys on keychains used to be Chase's favorite toys. (Ah, the simpler days!)

Well, anyway, Alyssa, being the adorable little 16-month old that she is started using the key to pretend to open all the doors in the bathroom. I remember thinking how cute it was to see her pudgy little hands role-playing with the key and thinking how brilliant she was that she what a key was and how to use it. I'm just being honest. After all, if your own mother can't think that you are brilliant then who can?

Well, I had to interupt my reverie to finish up what I was doing and so that I could get dinner going. In the 30, no more like 10, seconds that it took me to look away from Alyssa to attempt to find the tissue (we can not keep it on the roll anymore becuse those cute pudgy fingers will rip the ENTIRE roll to shreds),she managed to transform from cute role-playing toddler into a WWYT poster child.

The girl had put the key UP HER NOSE! Yes, that's right, the key was placed inside of her nostril. She was just holding it up there just as calm as you please. She did have a slightly quizzical look on her face. Was she wondering "What posessed me to do that?" I do not know for sure.

I did not want to shout too loud lest I frighten her and make the pointy object go even further into the place where it should not be. So as I moved towards her to calmly remove the key from her she removed the key and went on about her business.

I found myself trying to recreate the moment that the key went into her nose. Was she merely wondering, "What do keys feel like in your nose?" or was there something more intellectual, more scientific in her query?

I guess I will never know.

Hey, I could do a whole series on WWYT moments. Like the time that Chase decided to bring his water gun into the bathroom and proceeded to get the entire bathroom soaking wet when I thought that he was just going to the bathroom....

The "Wonder Twins" Again

2005-03-16T15:05:00.000-05:00

Why is it that if Alyssa sleeps through the night, Chase wakes up instead? Why is it that if Chase is playing quietly so that I can get some writing done, Alyssa suddenly needs my full attention? Is it a conspiracy?: "Hey, I am too busy to bother her right now so why don't you take over?" I do not HEAR them talking and Alyssa can not really talk yet anyway.

This is where I come back to my Wonder Twin example. No, my kids are not twins but they are brother and sister like the Wonder Twins. Remember how the Wonder Twins could send silent messages to each other in times of danger? Have my kids been watching this show? Does it even come on anymore?

Hmmmm....

Last night, Chase slept like a baby and Alyssa was up most of the night, presumably because of the teething. When I finally managed to get some Tylenol in her (she fights it) she eventually went back to sleep. Oh, my aching eyelids!

"Wonder Twin Powers: Activate"

2005-03-15T07:25:00.000-05:00

The coming of nightfall brings a mysterious occurrence to our home every night. Our once peaceful household is gradually filled with increasing amounts of activity. As I am getting more and more tired and starting to settle everyone down for the night, the kids seemed to have some invisible source of energy.

Remember the Superfriends and the Justice League of America Saturday morning cartoons? Remember the really cool Wonder Twins? They had a routine in which they would touch hands and shout "Wonder Twin powers, activate!" and then they would be able to take the form of different shapes. Well my kids are not twins and though I have never witnessed them doing it, I am convinced that this is their mantra every evening.

It seems that the nonverbal 1-year old (Alyssa) and the very verbal 4-year old (Chase) must secretly get together and shout "Activate!" every day around 6 pm. Alyssa begins dancing her bouncing, arm-waving routine as Chase begins crawling around pretending he is a dog (complete with barking) or using his ruler as a sword. Next, Alyssa starts chasing her brother around squealing with glee as he pertends to run from her. Then, Alyssa may take a break from that game to spend some time twirling around the middle of the floor until she gets dizzy while Chase gets his Dad to start wrestling. Alyssa quickly comes to the scene of the full-body contact and literally throws her body on the pile. (All this is happening while I am either trying to finish my writing for the day or straightening up and making preparations for bedtime).

Eventually, my "Wonder Twins" succumb to my best efforts to settle them down. This is no easy task and usually requires some superhero strength of my own. After everyone is asleep, I spend time asking myself what I can do differently the following night to thwart my little heroes and their nighttime activation.

Suggestions anyone?

Vacuum Cleaner Fun

2005-03-10T16:53:00.000-05:00

I never knew how much fun a vacuum could be. My mother-in-law gave (er, loaned) us her heavy-duty, state-of-the-art vacuum cleaner. Much to my husband's delight, she even included attachments.(Oh joy) and so began my husband's role as head vacuum cleaner dude. We probably have the most dust-free carpeting on the block. This is not so surprising given the fact that my husband is a gadget man. What is surprising however, is that 10 months later, he has not tired of the thrill of vacuuming.

In fact, my husband's obsession has now rubbed off onto our 4-year old son, Chase.

Here's how it happened.

One day, I left home and Sam was left to care for a sleeping one-year old and an inquisitive 4-year old. What do the two males decide to do for fun? They decide to watch the training video for the vacuum cleaner (and all of it's neat attachments).

Do people actually watch these videos, you ask? I have often asked myself the same question assuming that in fact people did not have the time to watch instruction manual videos. Well, I was wrong.

In an apparent moment of male bonding, the 4-year old and his Daddy watched an engrossing video about how to vacuum, how to use the attachments and most importantly, how to take the vacuum apart. By the time I returned home, my son came running up to me asking me to watch him take apart the vacuum cleaner. "Does your father know what you are doing?" is my usual response to these types of activities. "Yeah, he saw me do it already!" Chase responded excitedly. Before I could protest, Chase had pushed a couple of buttons, pulled a lever and taken pieces off the vacuum cleaner. Shocked, I said "What have you done? Do you know how to put that back together?". I did not yet know about the father-son video viewing adventure.

I yelled, "Sam, come quick. Chase destroyed the vacuum cleaner!" "It's alright, Sam reassured me. "He's also learned how to put it back together". "How many times did you watch the silly thing?" I asked. "Just once." "Just once? You people watched the video one time and now Chase can take the thing apart and put it back together?"

(NOTE TO SELF: NEVER LET CHASE PLAY GRAND THEFT AUTO)

With glee, Chase begins to vacuum the floor with Sam looking on like a jealous lover asking when is it his turn. Eventually they compromise and Sam takes care of cord management and vacuum direction while Chase actually pushes the ridiculously heavy appliance.

What a sight!

Good thing vacuuming is not my first love. I am thrilled to have the most well-vacuumed house on the block.

Diaper Basketball?

2005-03-08T15:29:00.000-05:00

Forgive the ranting of this post as I have been up nearly all night with a feverish little boy and a teething little girl. There will be no sleep for the weary as I have 2 articles due.

I thought I was seeing things as I witnessed first my 15-month old take her dirty diaper and throw it over the railing into the dining room below. Next, Chase went and retrieved it and then proceeded to do the same thing only I heard a cheer as the heavy, soggy thing landed with a thud. He had thrown the diaper into a wide-mouthed trash container that we keep near the entrance of the kitchen for junk mail. But it gets even better. My husband hears the commotion, retrieves the diaper out of the container with the papers in it, comes upstairs and proceeds to make a basket himself.

Am I nuts or just really tired? Who invented this game anyway?

Well I'm too tired to play today but maybe I should join in and see what all the fun is about.

Dancing Girl

2005-03-07T15:05:00.000-05:00

Have you ever seen a six-month old belly dance? It is a hilarious sight indeed! Whenever Alyssa's clothes are off or if she is wearing a shirt that she can lift up, her baby belly starts rolling around. She then starts hitting her tummy with her hands as if there is a rhythm going on in her head and then she smiles one of her oh-so-sweet smiles.

We can add this new form of dancing to her already established routines which include ballet and praise dancing. She already seems to know first position and other select ballet moves which she readily demonstrates whenever the fancy hits her, sometimes with music and sometimes without.

Praise dancing is her most highly perfected form of bodily expression and it is best seen to the worship tunes of Michael W. Smith. As the music proclaims God's goodness, Alyssa's chubby little hands reach for the sky and her arms wave back and forth. It is hard to watch her and not feel that everything is OK in the world.

Hallelujah for music and dancing!

Discipline: WWJD

2005-03-05T16:43:00.000-05:00

At the risk of using an sometimes over-used phrase, I share this story that was sort of an epiphany for me about God's love and forgiveness.

Chase has a lot of coins in his dinosaur bank and his dad got him a bunch of paper coin wraps from the bank so they could wrap up the coins and take them to the bank. His dad put them in a plastic bag and put them up and told Chase not to play with them. Well, Chase is so tall that he can get to almost everything so he got them down and started throwing them all over the floor.

What a mess! We were scheduled to go to a puppet show at the library and I was so angry that I just wanted to yell at Chase and tell him that we were not going to the show anymore. God has really been working with me to help me to slow down, catch my breath and consult him when the kids have disobeyed or done something wrong so that I can make better parenting choices.

This was really hard as I looked at these papers absolutely everywhere in the family room! So I left the family room and went away to think and pray for a moment. This was no big, long ordeal, maybe 2 minutes at the most and I then told Chase that he was going to have to clean up the papers before I was ready to go or I would go without him. He was not yet dressed for the day but I still had myself and Alyssa to get dressed. Realizing what a big mess he had made, he started crying and asked if he could at least get dressed first, before he started the big job. I said no, more angrily than I would have liked to, and then I left him downstairs to clean up the mess.

When I went to check on him, he was still sniffling but he was mostly finished cleaning up. "I'm really sorry mommy" Chase said and I said that I was glad that he was apologizing. I explained that Daddy knew how hard it would be for such a little boy to clean up such a big mess and that was why Daddy had instructed him not to dump them out.

Even before the words were out of my mouth, I knew how familiar those words of loving admonishment, of trying to save someone from themselves, of being able to see a truth and a consequence that is not seen to the person choosing to disobey were to me. These were the conversations that I had been having with God in my prayer time about my own disobedience!

I know that discussing obedience of any sort for any one over the age of 18 has become a dirty word of sorts. However, I am convinced that refusing to follow the Inner Spirit that God has deposited in each of us is an act of disobedience that carries consequences. It is not necessarily that God does bad things to me to punish me but my actions have certain unpleasant consequences that I did not intend. He knew those consequences and I did not yet I heeded only my own understanding.

Despite my mistakes, misunderstandings and moments of foolishness, God has stood by me and continues to do so. In an instant, I understood how much God really loves me and how much he wants me to approach discipline with my child as He, my Heavenly Father does.

As Chase continues to slowly pick up the brown wrappers, I get down on the floor and begin to help him. His eyes light up with surprise. "You are going to help me Mommy, even though I was disobedient?" Yes my son, I thought, with tears in my eyes at the enormity of the analogy between his life and mine. "Even when are you disobedient, I will NEVER abandon you." I realized then that whatever my own childhood was or was not, I have the best parenting role model ever.

As I tell parents that I work with, for each method of discipline that you use on your child, at the moment of discipline, if Jesus was at your elbow, looking over your shoulder, would he approve? Today, I had my own moment of asking "What Would Jesus Do?" and I learned more than I ever thought I could from a little boy and his mess.

Today's Devotion:

He does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us (Psalm 103:10-12).

Dear Lord,
Help me to always discipline my child in love. Help me to remember that the root of the word discipline is "to teach" so that I treat each incident of discipline as a teaching moment. Most of all, remind me that the compassion and forgiveness that Christ tells me to extend to all does not stop at my children. Thank you, Lord, for standing by me to guide me in my parenting journey.
Amen.

Serious About Laughter

2005-03-04T15:44:00.000-05:00

Yes, I recognize the irony in my title. But I have so much fun laughing with my little ones and I feel it is so good for our spiritual, emotional and physical health that I have felt the need to make a serious study of the fun side of life.

When I was a practicing psychiatrist, I spent all of my time focusing on the negative aspects of life. It becomes a habit. So although I feel I would like more joy in my family life, it does not always feel like the most natural thing to me.

The book "The Learning Power of Laughter" by Jackie Silberg has lots of fun games, songs,jokes and poems that keep us laughing. I feel like motherhood is unlocking a cache of joy deep inside me that has been locked up for a long time.

The (Morning) Family Bed

2005-03-02T08:35:00.000-05:00

I guess there are worse ways to start one's morning. As soon as the children both wake up (and they usually wake up around the same time), they love to climb into bed with Sam and I. Catapulting into the bed are cold feet and legs belonging to a certain 4-year old whose pajama pants always seem to short no matter what size they are. Next come the grabby, pinching, chubby little hands of a certain little girl that wants to get our immediate attention.

Next, the real fun begins. Chase starts to body slam and jump on his Dad, often narrowly missing me as I yell, "I'm delicate!" Alyssa initially joins in the full body fun but quickly tires of it and goes in search of my Trident. I almost always forget to take the attractive and interesting gum off my nightstand where I reach for it in the evenings after the children are asleep and the results are always the same. What is attractive and interesting about sticks of gooey resin flavored with peppermint and wrapped in little papers? I have no idea but trying to separate Alyssa from gum will result in a scream that would make one think she was being tortured. She does not eat the gum. She carefully takes each stick out of the package, studies it, and then carefully unwraps it. After studying the unwrapped piece of gum, she either gives it to someone else or places it in a neat pile on the floor.

By this time, my eyes are finally able to stay open and focused more than a few minutes at a time and I come to the full realization of what Alyssa has done. "Oh boy, not the Trident again!" So I begin my morning retrieving pieces of Trident, re-wrapping them (Yeah, I know there are germs on there but I am not wasting my Trident!)

I often feel tempted to complain as I used to every morning. I would spend our family bed time complaining about how little sleep I got and how it was going to make facing my busy day more difficult. I realized that complaining only made me feel worse and did not increase the amount of sleep that I had the night before. So instead, now I remember what it was like when I was single and woke up alone every day and I remind myself to feel grateful for cold feet and grabbing hands.

So begins another morning...

Today's Devotion:

Philippians 2:14-15
Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe

Dear Lord,
Help me to greet each day happily and filled with gratitude for all of my blessings. Banish complaing, grumbling and murmuring from my conversations. Even in jest, help me to maintain only positive conversations about my family life. Thank you for reminding me about all that is good in my life and keep me forever thanking you. In Jesus name,
Amen.

Laughter: Good Medicine

2005-03-01T10:34:00.000-05:00

Well, we are all fighting illness around here. I am trying to follow my own advice and fight feeling bad with laughter. It really works! From making up silly rhymes to laughing with Alyssa as she walks around with her washcloth on her head, I am finding a lot of reasons to laugh. Of course, Chase is thrilled. He is at the age where if we could be silly all day, he would be very content. I am reminded of a study that showed that children up to the age of 4 laugh about 400 times a day while adults only laugh an average of 15 times a day.

Starting today, we will laugh, laugh, laugh our way to health!

Today's Devotion:

Proverbs 17:22 (NIV)
A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Dear Lord,
Thank you for giving us laughter. Laughter is another one of your wondrous creations that is so complicated that even scientists can not fully comprehend it. Remind me to be cheerful always, no matter the circumstance, for that will only help whatever situation I am dealing with. Help me to be a cheerful role model for my children that they will never forget to laugh. In Jesus name I pray.
Amen.

Wisdom from One Who Has Been There

2005-02-28T10:47:00.000-05:00

I had a wonderful meeting the other day with a woman from my church, Kathy. Although we went to college together, Kathy chose a different path than the one I chose. She married and had children before she started her career and now is the proud mother of 3 very nice and well-behaved children (including 2 teens) and an English teacher. I found her words of parenting wisdom very practical yet comforting. I realized how much I could grow as a parent by learning from spiritually sound parents such as Kathy. Not only did she encourage me to become a better, more confident parent but she also encouraged me to pursue my own spiritual growth.

The one statement she made that really affected me was "Your kids will survive your humanity." Sometimes I worry so much about the mistakes I have made as a parent (and those I have yet to make). Of course, I know in my heart that I have no need of worry but the temptation is so great at times and I become weak. Remembering her words has helped me to keep things in perspective and remember that it is not all about me. As long as I keep praying, for my children and for my ability to be a better parent, God can do the rest.

Today's Devotional:

Philippians 4:13 (KJV)
I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

Dear Lord,
Remind me that you stand by me, helping me to become a better parent. Help me to continually seek you in all that I do, knowing that your wisdom and goodness are true. As I pray for my children daily, remind me to have faith that you hear my prayers and answer them. Thank you for your faithfulness O Lord and all praises to your Mighty Name. In Jesus Name I pray.
Amen.

Joy in Following Inner Wisdom

2005-02-25T09:48:00.000-05:00

It seems there are many forces against parents producing spiritually upright children with morals, values and respect for self and others. Not only is society constantly bombarding our children with sexual, materialistic and atheist messages, but so-called experts and government officials are constantly working to take more control away from parents. From the efforts in some states to lower the mandatory age of school enrollment to ever-expanding programs to offer children more services that do not include their parents, American parents are allowing control of their children's future to fall into the hands of others.

So many parents I have worked with feel that they have little control over their children. You, like them, may feel fearful of trusting your own instincts and inner wisdom in matters of the best way to raise your children. You may, for instance, let your infant "cry it out" alone in their room at night, despite the almost unbearable urge to go and comfort your wailing child because some "expert" (usually a man, not a mother) said that such crying is best for YOUR child.

The Good News is that God has given us inner guidance and wisdom by leaving us the Holy Spirit to guide us towards living in right relationship with Him and with others. Remembering to ask for Holy Guidance and Holy Wisdom in even our smallest parenting decisions will allow us to act in accordance with the desires of our heart which will be in keeping with His will for our lives and for the lives of our children.

By enriching our prayer life, our time with God's Word and our daily fellowship with our Lord, we can become confident parents, joyful in the knowledge that the Ultimate Parent is guiding our every decision as we guide, train and protect our children.

Postscript:
Praise God, Alyssa is doing much better today. I thank God for His healing and faithfulness. We are continuing to pray for Chase's healing from his cough and cold.

Today's Devotion:

"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."
Psalm 37:4 (NIV)

Dear Lord,
Help us come to know You better so that we may become the parents that You want us to be. Help us to align our will with yours such that the desires of our heart can be our guide to raise children who will be pleasing to You, O Lord. Give us joy in knowing that You, Our Heavenly Father, have given us your example of how to be a good parent and we strive to become more like you. Give us godly wisdom to guide us to know when we should seek help for ourselves or our children and guide us to the appropriate advisors. Give us the discernment to be able to recognize wise advice and adapt it for the betterment of our families.
Amen.

Joy Fights Fear

2005-02-24T11:43:00.000-05:00

I hate when my kids get sick! I worry too much. My mind has a tendency to focus on the worst possible outcome (no matter how unlikely)and I usually make myself feel as miserable as my sick child. My mind knows that I am to trust in God for not only healing but wisdom to take the best possible care of my sick child but my faith is often weak in this area. I have, however, discovered an effective weapon against this fear and when I remember to use it, it works every time. Focusing on the Joy of the Lord is what quickly gets me out of fear.

Just last night, as I held Alyssa's too-warm body next to mine and tried to console her in the rocking chair, that old familiar dread swept over me. "Oh God, what if my baby gets really, really sick? There are so many people getting very ill. What if it is something serious?" These self-defeating, anxiety-provoking thoughts are then followed by guilt and lots of unanswerable questions. "Where did she get this germ from anyway?", "Did I have her around too many other kids last week?" and "Did I wash her hands enough?".

Needless to say, these thoughts do not help Alyssa get better any sooner and they do nothing to help me to help her. So instead of making myself more miserable for no reason, I focus on God's Word about joy. I recognize dealing with my children's illnesses is a serious weakness of mine so the first thing that I want to pray for is strength.

I focus on Nehemiah 8:10 "...Do not sorrow for the joy of the Lord is your strength." (NKJV) According to John Wesley's Explanatory Notes on the Whole Bible for Nehemiah 8:10, rejoicing in God "will give you that strength both of mind and body, which you greatly need, both to perform all the duties required of you, and to oppose all the designs of your enemies." I know that when I have a sick child, I have many extra duties to perform (usually on less sleep) and I need to resist the forces of evil that cause disease and doubt.

Last night, in my most fearful hour, I sang a song I learned in church as a child: The chorus of "The joy of the Lord is my strength, the joy of the Lord is my strength..." followed by my favorite verse "My heart is filled with laughter, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha..." kept my fears at bay and even seemed to make Alyssa feel better.

I will rejoice in the Lord always!

Today's Devotional:

Help me to stay out of fear, Lord. I am a more mature Christian and a better parent when I focus on my joy in the Lord and His goodness and salvation. Keep me rejoicing in you always!
Amen.

A Godly Inheritance

2005-02-22T11:54:00.000-05:00

A recent survey sponsored by Publisher's Weekly magazine revealed that once again, America's favorite leisure activities are reading and watching television, both of which ranked higher than spending time with family. Although books are wonderful (I am working on writing one myself right now) and television can provide an enjoyable escape, it seems sad that these two relatively meaningless activities are ranked above the life-giving role and God-given mandate that we have to raise, spend time with and enjoy our families.

I am not sure if this sorry state of affairs came about because people just do not enjoy their families as a result of the disarray many families find themselves in today or if people just do not realize how important it is to create families that everyone can enjoy.

Although reading a book or watching TV may bring momentary pleasure, it is important for me that I always remember that sowing into my family life will be the most richly rewarded leisure activity that will affect not just me and my children, but their children and their children's children. In the Bible, Proverbs 13:22 tells us "A good man leaves an inheritance for his children's children...". I believe that this inheritance refers not only to material wealth, but the more precious inheritance of all of God's blessings and character that we desire for our children.

My pastor at New Song Church, Mark Miller, is fond of talking about the importance of how we handle our time, talent and treasure. He reminds all of us that he can tell what our priorities are if he looks at our checkbook ledger and our calendar. I think that this prioritizing refers not only to our roles within the Body of Christ but also to our roles as parents.

----Time- the number one key ingredient that families need to thrive is time together. I have identified time as the "secret weapon" in my work with families. Almost always, more time together as a family and more time with parents specifically, can eliminate or greatly improve behavior problems in children and marital problems of parents. I can not count how many times someone called for a referral and I gave them a few simple tips on how to spend more time with the troubled person or persons and they called back to tell me that they no longer needed a referral. All the books and psychiatrist visits in the world can not make up for the hard work of finding ways to spend more time together. The harvest that will be reaped as a result of the time spent with family will include closer relationships that will lead to fewer emotional, relationship, behavioral and academic problems later in life. The quality of our children's relationships with us now will directly impact the quality of their relationships with their children and so on. Ultimately, spending time with your children and teaching them about the Lord and leading not only by word but be example (and you can best set an example by spending the maximum amount of time possible with children), will lead your children to accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior, guaranteeing them Eternal Life!

----Talent- so many of us are very caught up in finding our purpose in life. The problem becomes that sometimes once we identify our purpose and along with that we begin to appreciate our unique talents, we are usually very quick to use them outside of our homes. We often forget that our talents should also be used for the betterment of our families. Remember the old adage "The shoemaker's children never seem to have shoes."? We must all be aware of that tendency and strive to use our talents directly for the good of our families. My husband, Sam, is a professional photographer and there was a time when my son was first born that he did often forget to take pictures once he was relaxing at home. He came to see this deficit in the use of his talent and now he is always wearing his family-use digital camera on his belt so that he can take pictures of whatever funny things the kids are doing at a moment's notice. Now, we just need a new hard drive on the Mac to store all those thousands of photos!

----Treasure- The way that I spend my money has always been somewhat of a struggle for me. It has been difficult for me to balance future needs with the needs of today. Of course when it comes to children, proper planning for education, insurance needs and mom and dad's retirement are all important. But equally important are sowing a seed by giving. How we give will not only teach our children how to give, but because giving is an act of obedience it will also help us and our families realize all of the blessings that God has in store for us. In our high-consumption society, I also believe that is important to invest smartly in children's toys, clothes and other needs. Buying the highest-quality items that you can afford can actually pay off in the long run because of longer times to replace items, less maintenance and often higher educational value. I often have to remind myself that saying "no" to some cheap, thrill-of-the-moment toy may bring momentary sadness but being able to save up for a more durable, timeless, higher-quality educational item will be well worth it.

Let's make up our minds to enjoy our children today and to put our efforts into what will will really count!

Today's Devotion:

"And for this reason He is the Mediator of the new covenant, by means of death, for the redemption of the transgressions under the first covenant, that those who are called may receive the promise of the eternal inheritance." Hebrews 9:15 (NKJV)

Dear Father in Heaven,

I thank you and praise you for the inheritance that you have arranged for us through the Blood of Jesus Christ. May I leave a godly inheritance for my children, the children you have put under my care. Help me to be mindful that the seeds I plant within my family today will reap a harvest in the future. Help me to wisely sow the best of my time, talent and treasure into my family today. Even as I sacrifice for my children Lord, remind me that my sacrifice for my children does not even compare to the sacrifice that you, O Lord made for me. May I walk confidently in the belief of the riches of Eternal Life that You, my Heavenly Father, have established for me and may this confidence give me a joy that fills my family and our home. In Jesus name I pray.

Amen

Dreaming of Jewels

2005-02-21T09:14:00.000-05:00

On Saturday, we did the family trip to Sam's Club. By the time we got to the checkout line, Alyssa was pretty restless in the cart. I got her out and let her walk around while Sam and Chase checked-out. Well, what was I thinking! Alyssa's uncertain 1-year old toddler legs partnered with the slippery, oh-so-hard and not- so-clean floors at the warehouse store were not the smartest combination. I was relieved when she toddled past the phone cards and Easter candy and came to rest at the jewelry cases.

"My girl has good taste", I thought to myself. I was happy to spend a few moments daydreaming about all the wonderful jewelry as I checked out the latest styles (white gold seemed to be pretty popular) as I have not even glanced at a jewelry counter in years. Alyssa was not only quiet, but she was actually staying in one place. And so we stood, in relative bliss until I thought I heard a gurgling sound.

I reluctantly pulled myself out of my reverie to investigate. To my horror, Alyssa had her mouth on the glass of the jewelry display case and was proceeding to blow bubbles all over the glass! At first I could not believe my eyes and then I quickly became concerned about the germs Alyssa was ingesting and the state of the store's display case. It is for completely unexpected toddler incidents such as these that I always keep a napkin or tissue in my pocket. After restraining my daughter and cleaning off the case, I took a moment to regroup and recoup.

I am learning, with God's grace, to not over-react and to keep all incidents that may have a tendency to push me over the edge in perspective. Things certainly could have been worse and praise God my daughter did not come to serious harm in my moment of nonattention. The incident was over and there was nothing further I could do. Staying upset would not change anything and would make me feel bad. My bad feelings affect the rest of my family and I might have let a relatively small incident ruin the rest of my day. Thank God for His mercy, patience and guidance as I strive to become more like Him in my parenting role. I also thank God for His protection as He saves my children from perils of which I may not even be aware.

Today's Devotion:

"And my soul shall be joyful in the LORD: it shall rejoice in his salvation. All my bones shall say, LORD, who is like unto thee, which deliverest the poor from him that is too strong for him, yea, the poor and the needy from him that spoileth him?" Psalm 35:9-10 (KJV)

Dear Lord, I thank you for your protection of me and my family. I do not need to spend hours or even minutes with useless worry. Worry will surely steal my joy. Instead, I rejoice in your faithfulness and your promises of protection. Hallelujah, God is my salvation! All praises to you O Lord. In Jesus mighty name I pray.
Amen.

Hectic Sundays

2005-02-20T09:55:00.000-05:00

I know I need to do something about our Sunday mornings. As the day that the Lord rested, Sundays should be similar for our family. Instead, I often find myself rushing around, stressed out and rushed trying to do too many "relaxing" things. The baby has decided to put her bowl of cereal on her head, Chase is following me everywhere and begging to watch a video and my husband always seems to take too long to get ready for church.

Whoa! Time to regroup. I guess a little cereal in one's hair could be a new kind of conditioning treatment and I can tell people that I am experimenting with highlights in Alyssa's hair. Maybe three straight hours of Magic School Bus videos are not really that harmful. And if Sam has to run to the car dripping wet in order for us to get to church before the worship is over, we can keep a spare towel in the car.

Today's Devotion:

"This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it"

Dear Lord,
Help me to respect Your Sabbath and spend the day in loving, peaceful relations with all whom I encounter. Give me wisdom and patience to make the best decisions today and help me to keep all strife out of my household. In Jesus name I pray.
Amen

Are You Listening?: God Speaks to Us Through Our Children

2005-02-19T09:31:00.000-05:00

Thank you God, for giving us children to help us grow more like you! I have found that every time I feel the nudge of the Lord to encourage me to improve in a certain area of my life, He seems to enlist my children to help. Either because they will present me with challenges (read: opportunities) to force me to confront the issues or, more likely lately, He will actually cause my older child to say things that challenge me and force me to look at my behavior.

I have been Spirit-led to work on keeping the peace in my home by learning to be slower to speak in anger, slower to become irritated or upset and much slower to become impatient when things do not go exactly as I want them to go. Although through the grace of God I have improved in these areas,I still have a ways to go. One day, I became upset about something (probably something minor in the scheme of things) and Chase looked at me very earnestly and said, "God doesn't like the upset." I could not believe what I had just heard! My first instinct was to say "Who are you to tell me what God likes and doesn't like- you are just a child!" but as I took a moment to think before I spoke, I realized that in fact it was because he is a child, my child, that God put into my life, that what he has to say does indeed matter.

I apologized to Chase and agreed with him. I also explained to him that God is helping Mommy to have less "upset" and that I would try harder to not become so upset in the future. Wow. God is amazing in how much He loves us. He loves us enough to send messengers into our lives to help us become more like Him so that we can partake of all the blessings that He has in store for us.

I have heard other stories like mine from other parents lately. One mom told of how her children used God's Word to admonish her (correctly) for her speech. Another mom told of how her child asked her a pointed question that helped her to see a truth about one of her relationships. I am convinced that God has placed our specific children (and spouses) into our lives to specifically help us mature in our Christian faith. We can choose to grow from these challenges or remain stubbornly stuck in our old, useless behaviors. Which will you choose?

"When Jesus saw it, He was indignant and said to them, 'Let the little children come to Me; don't stop them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.'"
Mark 10:14 HCSB

Today's Devotional:

Dear Lord,
Help my heart and my eyes to be open to all that you want to teach me today. Help me to recognize your truth even if it comes to me out of the mouth of babes. Encourage me to trust in your plan for my life, including the people that you have chosen to be closest to me in this life. Do not let my pride stand in the way of me becoming all that you want me to be. Make me more humble in your sight and before others. In Jesus' Name I pray.
Amen

The Joy of Cold

2005-02-18T13:00:00.000-05:00

Temperatures are frigid here in Northeast Ohio but there is something so cozy about being in our nice warm, home all together today. I used to complain about the weather here but I have learned that there will always be something wrong with the weather here in Ohio. If I do not look for something positive in every weather condition, I could basically be miserable all year long! I still may tend to have negative thoughts about the weather but I try to catch myself and speak a positive word instead.

I also need to do the same with my family life. I could complain about every age and every stage of childrearing. We have all heard the litany: Moms of newborns complain of not getting enough sleep, moms of 6-months olds complain of solid food being all over the floor, moms of toddlers (including myself!) complain of chasing after running, climbing, squealing little ones. And moms of teenagers of course have complaints too numerous to mention.

We must make up our minds to enjoy every stage God has blessed us with. We should praise God that our children are developing and growing according to His design. These days will never come again. We have heard enough empty-nester parents lament "My kids just grew up too fast." And so many more warn me "Enjoy every day with your kids as much as you can- they will never be small again." I believe in following the wisdom of parents who have been through what I am going through and made it to the other side. I pray that God will give me revelation NOW to enjoy my kids every day, every month, every year, through every stage so that I will not have many regrets when they get older.

Today's Devotion:

Dear Lord, We thank you and we praise you for your Divine design of our children's growth through various stages and ages. Help us to be ever-mindful that our children are our blessing. Help us to never take them for granted. Give us the patience, joy and sense of humor that we need to keep us going every day. Show us when we are complaining too much and not enjoying enough. Help us speak a positive word to other parents who may not be able to see the joy in their current parenting situation. And we pray today O Lord for those parents whose children are not developing as expected. We pray for the parents of children with developmental delays to have strength, perseverance and even joy in their circumstance and we pray for complete healing for their children. In Jesus' Name we pray.
Amen

Daily Joy

2005-02-17T09:04:00.000-05:00

The question for me as a Christian parent is "How do I live out my parenting walk to best reflect Jesus and all that He died for?" I want to make sure that my motives are pure and that I do not violate basic Christian principles as a parent. For instance, I always knew that "Love thy neighbor as thyself" referred to how I should treat others but somehow, for a long time, I did not translate that to how I treated my family. Of course, I can not necessarily translate how I want to be treated as an adult to how I should treat my children. Rather, I think that the challenge is allowing myself to remember how I felt as a child. How vulnerable, how needy, how dependent, how sensitive and scared we may have felt as children is often too painful to remember and is blocked out by many parents.

As I was talking to another parent about how needy our kids are, I was reminded about the reality of how vulnerable kids feel. We were discussing how there are times when our kids follow us from room-to-room, they interrupt our every conversation and they suddenly need to be the center of attention when we are on the phone. As I was really about to murmur, grumble and complain about this, I found myself in the midst of a very foggy memory, a feeling memory more than a thought memory, of how awesome it felt to be the center of my mother's attention even for a short while. (I was one of eight children so that could not have been easy for my mother to arrange!)I was humbled by the intensity of the memory and I had a revelation about how valuable my time and attention are.

Many studies have shown that the main criteria of a "good parent", one who raises well-adjusted children, is sensitivity. For a parent to have a heart filled with compassion for their child, even when the child acts in ways that may not be pleasing, to be ever forgiving of all transgressions, to grieve instead of becoming angry if the child goes astray and to always discipline (the root of this word is to teach)with a gentle, loving spirit are some characteristics of a sensitive parent.

Does the above description of a good parent, taken from secular studies, sound like a Heavenly Father that you know?

Today's Devotional:
Lord, help me to parent as my Heavenly Father parents me. Help me to always be patient and kind in all my interactions with my family. May all of my dealings with my children be cloaked in love and sealed with joy. May I exhibit infinite patience and forgiveness as I face all of the daily challenges of raising my children to be all that God wants them to be. Help me to be the concerned shepherd, always vigilant in loving protection, just as you, O Lord are my Good Shepherd. Open my eyes and my heart to any hurts from my own childhood, Lord, that may be affecting my ability to parent with joyful love. Allow waves of your healing Holy Spirit, my Comforter and Counselor, to be with me as I remember any pain that I experienced as a child to prevent me from passing that pain on to my children. I thank you O Lord for your faithfulness in healing me. In Jesus' Mighty Name, I pray. Amen.

Joyful Parenting

2005-02-16T09:53:00.000-05:00

Hello all,

The Lord has encouraged me to write about joy for a long time. I am finally obedient to His call! That alone is reason for rejoicing. I have realized that although parenting is serious work, it requires a certain amount of levity. Or perhaps it is because parenting is such serious work, one requires humor to not go completely insane in the midst of things.

By the way, I am an expert on the subject of insanity. As a former psychiatrist, I am now dedicating my life to the flip-side of mental illness. I want to help people live with mental wellness. I want everyone to experience the joy that comes from living with joy.

As a Christian, I believe that the ultimate source of joy is faith in Jesus Christ. Improving my spiritual life has made such a difference in my parenting aptitude and attitude that I have started sharing some of my discoveries with other parents who come to me for advice. Praise God, I have been able to help many and I want to share the benefits of my mistakes with others.

Joy is a choice and an attitude. It takes a conscious decision to live a joyful life and particularly to parent with joy. But the rewards are substantial, for our very life and health of ourselves and our families depends on our level of joy. Joyful parenting is especially important (and beneficial) in though times. (and when you live with a toddler, as I do, everyday can seem like a tough time- as I am writing this blog my 1-year old just put a DVD in the VCR and my 4-year old is running around yelling "Never, never, never, never do that again" and the 1-year old is running from him laughing).

I better go deal with this situation. I will leave you with a brief devotional.

Dear Lord,
Help me to realize the importance of joy in my life. Keep me open to learning more about joy and how I can bring more joy into my life and into the life of my family. Lord, your Word says "This is the day that the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it". Today, if I feel that I have nothing else to be joyful about, I will rejoice in the day that God has made and try to find something good in God's creation today.
Amen.